Thank you Adriana. In the soul searching I did after the last election, I reflected on my experiences in leftist and "woke" spaces. In wondering if I had "been the asshole" lib that conservatives hate so much I admitted instead how tentative and guarded is gotten used to feeling in activist spaces because I was afraid of being criticized, called out, and shamed by my allies. I had been constantly concerned about not being woke enough. And so, I concluded, if this was how I felt with my own people -- how must these spaces have seemed to outsiders? This insight has contributed greatly to my understanding of why there's been so much hatred for liberals. I remain a diehard progressive, giving my life to the highest good of all beings but I too have realized how much damage the left has done and how much more work is necessary for us to create a truly inclusive beloved community.
Jesi, thank you so much for sharing. I definitely have been the asshole in the room before. This is partially why Kristina and I founded the Mixed Race Meditation Group. I had multiple experiences in BIPOC spaces where people poo-pooed on me for being half-white lol I never viewed those comments as personal transgressions, but actually a symptom of a culture informed by shame. Annndd a confused understanding of the distinction between “white people” and “whiteness.” We have so much hurt but sometimes when we don’t understand or know what to do with that hurt, we dig our heels in, replicate the qualities of the systems we’re trying to abolish and redirect that hurt at each other.
omg, this piece left me with so much to more to contemplate. a few months back I hosted an acupuncture session with friends at my place to collectively process complex traumas around people we love and trust. feeling safe enough to cry and vulnerable enough to address how difficult it was to organize and watch a genocide daily was unbelievably cathartic. this experience had me thinking about the necessity of having healers in every movement home. if people were dedicated to their healing as a way to balance the grief of the world, i think our sustainability would increase 🥹 and oftentimes the people who do the most to make the world brighter lose sight of slowing down - having healers encourage them to slow down just a tad would create such beautiful ripples of community care outside a capitalistic therapy model even. i might write about that!! thank you for sharing your thoughts
Rimsha, what a gift that you were able to host a space for you and your friends to grieve. It's so important. I've always appreciated Dipa Iyer's Social Change Map, and the idea that every movement needs its healers: https://www.socialchangemap.com/home/understanding-the-framework.
This is so good, Adriana. I don't consider myself an organizer anymore (I did in my twenties) but I see similar dynamics happening in organizational cultures as well. It seems to me that there is a kind of unattainable, ethical perfectionism that happens in Leftist spaces that often excludes the very people these movements are trying to support. Thanks for sharing this.
Sarah, so glad this resonates. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum—when I was younger I used to think if people just saw how absolutely messed up things were, they would be propelled to act. I had this aggressive idea in my head that people who saw what was going on, and didn’t feel motivated, they were cruel, ignorant, or complacent. But becoming a parent has really shifted my perception on this—I cannot rely on rage and destablization to fuel my organizing bc I am trying to regulate another tiny human all day.
This is so well put. I don't think I've read a proper analysis of the psychological reasons why the left is so fraught before, but you capture so much. I ran a community led housing project for 7 years and it was frankly exhausting. I think there are such a lot of rose tinted glasses around this kind of stuff and not enough serious grounded discussion on what people need emotionally to be able to live effectively as community.
this resonated with me so much, thank you! I’ve definitely been in movement spaces where I was masking myself to avoid being judged… and it ended up derailing everything and causing burn out. ooof would I do things differently!
Excellent observations, Adriana -- you make a great case for the integration of spiritual practices and emotional resonance in organizing work, even if they go by different names to make them more palatable to activists. You touch on something that is so important: the skill (or lack of it) of the facilitator. Facilitation is often an under-valued skill, it's one of those things that when done well is invisible and easy to overlook. I would love to see more people supported to develop and deepen facilitation skills that would help guide groups in this process that results in more effective actions and less internal sabotage. One organization that does this really well is Training for Change, they've been around since 1992.
Thank you for putting these thoughts together so coherently and eloquently.
Maia, thanks so much for these thoughts and uplifting Training for Change. I really resonate that facilitation is an undervalued skill that's so necessary.
Thank you for sharing all of this goodness. Last year, I was invited to join the board of a new group of progressives that almost immediately broke down because it tried to hold and solve the hurt and betrayal between two members (and the experience had every feature you outline — lack of emotional regulation such that no one felt safe, fear of being not enough of an ally, fear of ignoring a real harm that spiraled to encompass all of the group’s energy).
My dear partner kept alerting me that this wasn’t the right container to address the harm. He has been wanting to get additional training and start to work with political embodiment practices. It is such a rampant experience of progressive groups in our area that a lot of people, myself included, now steer clear of activist or politically-motivated groups. I still do activism, but in limited ways I believe I can help, not open-ended commitments.
Thank you for this share—I'm really sorry that you had this experience. In addition to Training for Change (that Maia mentioned above) https://www.trainingforchange.org for facilitation training, I'd also recommend The Embodiment Institute for your partner https://www.theembodimentinstitute.org.
I love this so much and am going to share widely. Indeed cancel culture and the inability to have constructive dialogue are at the root of so much of our alienation from one another. I'm intrigued by the the idea of spiritual practices (such as those Buddhist ones that you've highlighted - with the related practical tips which are so useful) as a tool for moving beyond this void. I think that psychology is also powerful - the notion that two things can be true, cognitive dissonance, etc.
Ramya, thank you for sharing. In my experience, Buddhist meditation practice has allowed my own ego (which is conditioned to cling tightly to ideas, beliefs, feelings) to loosen its grip. It's not that I don't have strong opinions or emotions (I have lots of those lol) but I'm able to hold them in a way that most of the time allows me to at least engage. I might still decide that a dialogue or space isn't worth further pursuing, but my sense of self (and nervous system) don't feel so threatened in the process.
This is one of the reasons I feel so lucky to live in a small town where not everyone thinks the same way that I do. I could, I guess, somehow refuse to be in community with everyone who disagrees with me about anything. But I'd be pretty lonely. And maybe, just maybe, having a relationship with people who disagree with me might change them and me for the better. Maybe together we can accomplish more than we could alone, even if it's sometimes both hard and uncomfortable.
Robyn, thanks for this. I resonate—I just moved to a small conservative town of 4500. I write and teach about pretty explicitly radically left politics and have spent much of my life living in or around NYC, so it's been a humbling shift. I appreciate your share and the idea of being changed by others.
Thank you Adriana. In the soul searching I did after the last election, I reflected on my experiences in leftist and "woke" spaces. In wondering if I had "been the asshole" lib that conservatives hate so much I admitted instead how tentative and guarded is gotten used to feeling in activist spaces because I was afraid of being criticized, called out, and shamed by my allies. I had been constantly concerned about not being woke enough. And so, I concluded, if this was how I felt with my own people -- how must these spaces have seemed to outsiders? This insight has contributed greatly to my understanding of why there's been so much hatred for liberals. I remain a diehard progressive, giving my life to the highest good of all beings but I too have realized how much damage the left has done and how much more work is necessary for us to create a truly inclusive beloved community.
Jesi, thank you so much for sharing. I definitely have been the asshole in the room before. This is partially why Kristina and I founded the Mixed Race Meditation Group. I had multiple experiences in BIPOC spaces where people poo-pooed on me for being half-white lol I never viewed those comments as personal transgressions, but actually a symptom of a culture informed by shame. Annndd a confused understanding of the distinction between “white people” and “whiteness.” We have so much hurt but sometimes when we don’t understand or know what to do with that hurt, we dig our heels in, replicate the qualities of the systems we’re trying to abolish and redirect that hurt at each other.
omg, this piece left me with so much to more to contemplate. a few months back I hosted an acupuncture session with friends at my place to collectively process complex traumas around people we love and trust. feeling safe enough to cry and vulnerable enough to address how difficult it was to organize and watch a genocide daily was unbelievably cathartic. this experience had me thinking about the necessity of having healers in every movement home. if people were dedicated to their healing as a way to balance the grief of the world, i think our sustainability would increase 🥹 and oftentimes the people who do the most to make the world brighter lose sight of slowing down - having healers encourage them to slow down just a tad would create such beautiful ripples of community care outside a capitalistic therapy model even. i might write about that!! thank you for sharing your thoughts
Rimsha, what a gift that you were able to host a space for you and your friends to grieve. It's so important. I've always appreciated Dipa Iyer's Social Change Map, and the idea that every movement needs its healers: https://www.socialchangemap.com/home/understanding-the-framework.
This is so good, Adriana. I don't consider myself an organizer anymore (I did in my twenties) but I see similar dynamics happening in organizational cultures as well. It seems to me that there is a kind of unattainable, ethical perfectionism that happens in Leftist spaces that often excludes the very people these movements are trying to support. Thanks for sharing this.
Sarah, so glad this resonates. I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum—when I was younger I used to think if people just saw how absolutely messed up things were, they would be propelled to act. I had this aggressive idea in my head that people who saw what was going on, and didn’t feel motivated, they were cruel, ignorant, or complacent. But becoming a parent has really shifted my perception on this—I cannot rely on rage and destablization to fuel my organizing bc I am trying to regulate another tiny human all day.
I was screaming yes yes yes while reading this whole piece. Thank you for naming and saying the things that is so hard for the Left to say 🙏
This is so well put. I don't think I've read a proper analysis of the psychological reasons why the left is so fraught before, but you capture so much. I ran a community led housing project for 7 years and it was frankly exhausting. I think there are such a lot of rose tinted glasses around this kind of stuff and not enough serious grounded discussion on what people need emotionally to be able to live effectively as community.
this resonated with me so much, thank you! I’ve definitely been in movement spaces where I was masking myself to avoid being judged… and it ended up derailing everything and causing burn out. ooof would I do things differently!
Excellent observations, Adriana -- you make a great case for the integration of spiritual practices and emotional resonance in organizing work, even if they go by different names to make them more palatable to activists. You touch on something that is so important: the skill (or lack of it) of the facilitator. Facilitation is often an under-valued skill, it's one of those things that when done well is invisible and easy to overlook. I would love to see more people supported to develop and deepen facilitation skills that would help guide groups in this process that results in more effective actions and less internal sabotage. One organization that does this really well is Training for Change, they've been around since 1992.
Thank you for putting these thoughts together so coherently and eloquently.
Maia, thanks so much for these thoughts and uplifting Training for Change. I really resonate that facilitation is an undervalued skill that's so necessary.
Thank you for sharing all of this goodness. Last year, I was invited to join the board of a new group of progressives that almost immediately broke down because it tried to hold and solve the hurt and betrayal between two members (and the experience had every feature you outline — lack of emotional regulation such that no one felt safe, fear of being not enough of an ally, fear of ignoring a real harm that spiraled to encompass all of the group’s energy).
My dear partner kept alerting me that this wasn’t the right container to address the harm. He has been wanting to get additional training and start to work with political embodiment practices. It is such a rampant experience of progressive groups in our area that a lot of people, myself included, now steer clear of activist or politically-motivated groups. I still do activism, but in limited ways I believe I can help, not open-ended commitments.
I believe they have scholarships over at Courage of Care for their upcoming facilitator training too: https://courageofcare.org/relational-facilitators/
Thank you for sharing these opportunities!
Thank you for this share—I'm really sorry that you had this experience. In addition to Training for Change (that Maia mentioned above) https://www.trainingforchange.org for facilitation training, I'd also recommend The Embodiment Institute for your partner https://www.theembodimentinstitute.org.
I love this so much and am going to share widely. Indeed cancel culture and the inability to have constructive dialogue are at the root of so much of our alienation from one another. I'm intrigued by the the idea of spiritual practices (such as those Buddhist ones that you've highlighted - with the related practical tips which are so useful) as a tool for moving beyond this void. I think that psychology is also powerful - the notion that two things can be true, cognitive dissonance, etc.
Ramya, thank you for sharing. In my experience, Buddhist meditation practice has allowed my own ego (which is conditioned to cling tightly to ideas, beliefs, feelings) to loosen its grip. It's not that I don't have strong opinions or emotions (I have lots of those lol) but I'm able to hold them in a way that most of the time allows me to at least engage. I might still decide that a dialogue or space isn't worth further pursuing, but my sense of self (and nervous system) don't feel so threatened in the process.
This is one of the reasons I feel so lucky to live in a small town where not everyone thinks the same way that I do. I could, I guess, somehow refuse to be in community with everyone who disagrees with me about anything. But I'd be pretty lonely. And maybe, just maybe, having a relationship with people who disagree with me might change them and me for the better. Maybe together we can accomplish more than we could alone, even if it's sometimes both hard and uncomfortable.
Robyn, thanks for this. I resonate—I just moved to a small conservative town of 4500. I write and teach about pretty explicitly radically left politics and have spent much of my life living in or around NYC, so it's been a humbling shift. I appreciate your share and the idea of being changed by others.